The Love You Want Already Exists Inside of You

by - Thursday, November 28, 2019

Read this if you are still searching for "the right one" or worried that you'll never find "the right one".

Admit it, almost every single day we are reminded that true happiness can only be achieved by sharing our lives with another person. The world convinces us that if we don't have one person who loves us tenderly and passionately, something will always be missing.

I know it can be easy to lose yourself in the list of reasons: after one too many wedding invitations you have received, after so many Facebook posts about engagements and marriages have appeared on your timelines, after one by one your friends and family have found their significant others, you can't help but start to wonder if you're truly just not meant to have a long-lasting love.

Without admitting it, 'sometimes' we enter a relationship just because we feel like we need to. We need to have someone validate us or at least someone who we can deal with for the rest of our life. Someone who would take care of us when we got sick and listen to our stories every evening after work. Someone to cuddle with, someone to eat with, and someone to just be with. And so we spend a significant amount of our time searching for the right one. We hope that someone will swoop into our lives and fill the void in our hearts. We all hope that. We're human after all.

But is that really the right way to live?

I had been single for almost two years and I've had thoughts like "once I have a boyfriend, I'll be happy" or "once I'm married then my life will be complete." I feel like I spent years just longing for someone to love me. It brought me to tears so often. I thought I was being patient and waiting on the right guy, but I wasn't being patient or waiting at all. I was complaining when I didn't have someone, and when I did, it wasn't healthy or the right timing or the right person. It never felt like love.

That's what I've been doing wrong for a long time. I ignored my very true worth for the sake of having someone to have an affection with and that's the biggest mistake I've ever done in my entire life. I let down myself so I could get the love I need from other people when in reality it's the love for myself that I badly needed. I was just making a trap for myself.

Now I've finally come to the realization: nobody can fill the void inside me and make me feel whole. It finally hit me that I desperately need to learn how to deal with myself before anyone else would ever want to deal with me. I need to be my own savior. I need to be my own supporter. I need to love myself. I need to put myself first because I can't do anything for anyone else unless I'm in a good standing.

It might sound cliche, but you really are the source of your own happiness. Your life is already moving right at this second, regardless if you have a significant other or not. No, I am not happy-go-lucky all the time. And yes, I still want a relationship, but I'm now in a place where I can come into a relationship feeling whole. I'm no longer looking for someone else to complete me.

We can stop desperately waiting for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you've been waiting for. Live your life to the fullest. We can spend our lives challenging, developing, and building ourselves up to be bigger and more capable people than we ever once hoped to become. We could become everything we've been searching for.

Because right at this moment until the day you die, you are going to be the person who holds your own hand when you're broken. You are going to be the person who saves yourself and gets yourself up off the floor every time you get knocked down. If those things are not love-of-your-life qualities, I don't know what are.

So, stop looking for someone to save and change your life. Be that person and then let everybody else come searching for you. It might not happen next week or even next year, but it will most certainly happen at the right time. And oh, you'll be so glad when you look back and can see everything that brought you exactly to that moment. Believe me.

Love, Ita


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